Mou Ichido

Tough Slog

2011-04-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

I think time and time again I've prioritized the wrong things in my life. The things I worship, my house, my job, my money, my car, are all things I put before God. This is the truth. I need to be real with myself and recognize that I need to make my relationship with him the first priority.

I should add that this is going to be a long road. I have a suspicion that I'm going to struggle with (accepting) what lies before me in the coming months. An outward perspective, one founded in God will be necessary for moving forward with my life in a meaningful way.

Where do you want to take me after all? I can't hear you anymore. Help.

Boho

2011-02-16T13:47:00.001-08:00

For a day I acted like a Boho. I grabbed my cool little macbook and went out to Bryant Park and enjoyed myself at a local cafe, then I strolled over to the library building and went inside the massive Rose Hall. Probably one of the best places in the world to just concentrate and get some work done. Then honestly, it just got really damn cold. After that I just had to leave sadly. So off I went to Argo Tea in Columbus circle (just a quick 2 stops away). But first, I wasted sometime running around the shops and playing with the gadgets at the Samsung store. Finally settled into an awesome corner seat at Argo. Awesome day, really.

Something for Nothing

2011-02-15T10:02:00.001-08:00

Today.
Today I woke up unsure how I should feel about my prospects
One glance at my phone and the discouragement quickly set in.

Today 2.
So I woke up and called HK with some trepidation. They didn't seem thrilled to receive my call. That said the news wasn't all bad, albeit a bit mixed. No further forward, grateful I've not fallen back as feared. Should I try to make peace with my current circumstances? No! I must have faith and persevere, for I am nothing. Something must be born out of this.

A Change

2011-02-11T11:37:00.001-08:00

Different tools. Different Gadgets. Same behavior project after project, Year after Year. Being the bench is always such a dreamy state for me. But it should actually be something of a time of high personal productivity. Somehow I never achieve this desired state. How sad. Is there anything I can do to change this? Going to do my best.

Foul Mood

2011-01-26T10:07:00.000-08:00

From bed to boat in 15 minutes! That was a pretty incredible start to the morning. I scrambled out of bed at 8.45 this morning pretty sure that making the 9AM ferry was an impossibility. Somehow I pulled it off (even with an incredibly slow elevator) and was one of the last people to rush down the gangway.

Anyways- things seem to have gone downhill since. You ever have one of those days where you just can't get into the groove of something? As your awareness of this sensation increases, so to does the sensation itself, and on and on it goes. Well today is one of those days.

I think it fully hit me when my manager and I started hanging up slides on the wall and we started storyboarding for the final deliverable. I'd lost my zeal and I found myself uncharacteristically agreeable to all the suggestions and changes. In short, I had no vision, the deck had no vision, and I wasn't able to create any of that creative tension that an excellent output usually needs.

We met again with the larger team and in conversation I expressed some of my frustrations and speaking from the "gut" how I didn't feel like we'd created a compelling story and one I wanted to get behind on. We made some quick adjustments, but it doesn't feel like a "slam dunk" which is disappointing.

I've been sitting here trying to think through things and trying to tap into my metaphysical senses. I decided I needed to escape and ended up on the danny choo blog taking a photo tour through Shinbashi. Makes me recall with fondness a certain kind of existential experience one gets beating down the narrow back alleys of Tokyo. It's a feeling of anonymity and tranquility mixed with a bit of melancholy. Probably all in my head, but an experience I call upon from time to time.

Anyways, hoping things improve.

I still don't know what I'm doing

2010-07-14T11:35:00.000-07:00

So nearly 6 months into this arrangement and I haven't accomplished even 10% of what I had in mind. J is for the most part completely removed, I feel like if we didn't occasionally email him, we'd simply cease to exist in his mind. S is slightly more engaged, but I feel he is as such because he has to and at the end of the day, the legal owner of this enterprise. I am admittedly on and off. Most difficult of all has been remaining focused and dedicated, at least in spirit (translating to action is still the part that's difficult for me). I wish someone would just tell me how to do it!

In the ultimate sign of distraction, I've forged ahead with the HK CFA workshop pitches and started pitching the idea for the overseas real estate site with potential partners. All of them want to know why I'd involved them, why can't I just do it myself!? Good question- why can't I just do it myself?

[this is where I segway into my religious beliefs] because no one can do it alone all the time. It's just impossible without God and unnatural to share in the fruits (and struggles). I like it better that way. For my birthday I told the guys I wanted nothing more than to get together, hash out details, and leave with clear next steps and a plan. I fear however that it will ultimately yield no action and no results (once again).

God please grant me the wisdom to know when it's time to stay committed to an enterprise and when my energies are better expended elsewhere. Then bless me with the intellect and energy to continue down the righteous path of enduring, building, and giving for your behalf.

Striking out on my own

2010-03-10T22:02:00.000-08:00

but with some good partners...

Having tasted ever so slightly the feeling of “career freedom” from running your own business has been highly addictive. Like S told me once during a late night chat, once you have a taste, it’s impossible to ever go back (to a corporate setting).

I should not that I’ve had a few good attempts at starting a business, there was the website business with Yee, the birdwatcher’s group with Zhong, the ramen delivery concept freshman
year. In every instance, I had stumbled at some critical point in execution, but never for lack of good ideas. I hope to avoid many of those mistakes again, at least none so costly that the whole business fails (or folds in this instance).

More than ever, this is something I probably should be lifting up in prayer. I prayed to God on a few occasions and with great sincerity that he would bless me with a good partner (I got two in S & J) and that it would actually be at the very least a viable business from the onset (we made $6k last month- yes!). Still it’s a very long path ahead and already I’ve run into some walls. The chemistry in the partnership will be vital in the months going forward and my prioritization and leadership skills will really need to turn a corner and develop fully here.

I’ve also tried to make sure that at this early stage, I implant in the DNA of the business and of our partnership the idea of giving. Giving with purpose and to the “last, least, and lost,” not just to generate positive press. So I am extremely hopeful (and prayerful) that my contact at World Vision finds an opportunity for ongoing collaboration.

God willing, I will make me and my partners rich. I am quite determined.

humbled

2010-03-07T21:45:00.001-08:00

From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

Big Ideas

2010-02-21T20:56:00.001-08:00

Today I realized that Big Ideas get smaller everyday.

What do I mean by this? Specifically the challenges of planning and execution. To help with this, I've enlisted the help of my partners/team-mates. We're using Zoho Projects/CRM and I'm really enjoying the whole setup process. It's been pretty collaborative and it's so very rewarding to work on your own venture.

That said, starting your own business is really hard work. Even the simplest process requires careful planning and effort. On that note- I am beat! Off to bed.

the blind

2010-02-14T22:03:00.001-08:00

I have no idea where I'm going with this latest venture. From afar, it seemed like a brilliant idea. Now that I am getting increasingly entrenched in it, I feel, lost. Broad assumptions based on a distant reality are now being put into execution. What felt like a complete picture in mind earlier is more like a shroud of incoherence now that I'm face-to-face with the challenge. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but I do know it requires much more effort of me. Much more effort than I have been putting forth.

Tokee-oh

2010-01-14T23:28:00.001-08:00

I kept a journal during my time in Japan and one of the things I wrote was "my mind is turning into mush... perfect." I was jet-lagged when I took this picture. Yes- I also carried two cameras. One of the leisures of traveling alone are these calming (melancholy?) instances, they're enough to make the whole trip -the long flight, the challenges of being in a new place- all worth it. Really and truly. I look forward to doing it again.

In an effort to relive a lot of my travels and many of these "centering" moments, I'm going to do my best to write and recount my feelings and thoughts based on photos of defining moments in my trip.

Finally, I should mention the jumping fish kept disturbing my nap. Very strange. True Story.

Post #1 : Hong Kong

2010-01-13T19:57:00.000-08:00

It works!!! Finally, after many half hearted attempts, I've finally got a blog, pictures, and some flickr integration. Hopefully this will only be the first of many more posts and pictures to come. Stay Tuned!